Thank you and sorry I read your message a while ago but couldn’t figure out how to approach it. This reply is long but I do feel like talking to someone about it and would appreciate your patience reading through it (and it’s totally fine it you don’t), and maybe read whenever you feel like it.
In short, I’m intending on going private whenever I won’t be posting in a while. Don’t have my mind settled on it yet so this time is just a trial. Also forgive me for being everywhere through this, wrote it while working on other staff and I’ve never thought thoroughly on how to collect myself and put it down into words.
It is… what I would describe as a conflict between some of my principles and my somewhat utilitarian mindset. My incentive for posting started with how few fansites followed their US Tour this year (there were more last year, but for this year, there were 8 at the GMA broadcast in NY and 5/6 total at the final DC show). Similarly for the JP shows, very few cameras actually got inside the venue. Plus I met a yj and a bg fansite who both ended up asking me for pictures since mine turned out to be better. Now I knew preemptively that neither the group nor the fandom care much about these pics, but it is also sad prospectively considering the face cards.
So my account serves as a personal archive and I set some rules for what I post. The top ones are:
1 and 2 are where the utilitarian part kicks in, hence there’s not really a reason for me to post if pics are already out there. 3 is why I don’t post airport pics past security (manager team have approached others asking them to not shoot or delete multiple times especially when there are less fans), and why I’ve never posted abs pics despite how well perceived those are (this one is a personal interpretation on how Soobin pulls his shirt down for other songs, and would be ok if people disagree), especially since this violats rule 1 as well (not 2 though since I shot vertically for better sensor area utilization, very few people do this for txt since it’s very hit or miss and thus too risky). Side note, though I stan both Soobin and Kai, there is a strong bias towards Soobin so I enforce these rules stronger and am more skeptical about what I post when it’s about him.
Sadly the prio in quality comes with fair prices. Most also go against kpop conventions which is not surprising considering I developed my relevant skills very distant from kpop. For instance my storage management is a nightmare because I shoot raw pictures and my files are almost ten times as large (when I talked to hymn about raw photos she didn’t know what they were, but she does take very good pictures so it’s not a skill issue). I have come to realize that in order to deliver the quality I wanted, I’m usually too slow for it to be relevant, which reduces the utility I find in myself, and usually if I don’t find myself useful in an event I don’t attempt. This is obvious when the Chinese fans prio speed and apparently this is an important metric in cpop so they are trained in and fights really hard for it. (and I have friends urging me to go faster in a pitying tone. Principles are firm and there are also real life limitations so it is objectively impossible for me, but personality wise I still get affected by those suggestions)
One other factor is how indecisive and turbulent I am (the wording of this reply probably is indicative of that as well). So I’m confident in at most 5% of what I post. To avoid the possibility of bad pics I post getting used by antis I would rather go private every time I’m not updating. Of course I do love doing this, but it doesn’t cancel out the self doubt I dive into when I see pictures that I consider questionable from certain aspects gaining popularity.
Actually I’ve been doing a one-pic-a-day streak for Soobin while he’s away, but decided to not post them worrying it could be a distraction from the group since they are still active. It’s not an easy time for anyone. Gonna dump them once the group goes on hiatus and if I can keep the daily post streak then won’t be going private.